Why we Yell at our kids – the MUM outburst
This post is for the mums who may have yelled at their children and experienced guilt, remorse following those flashing moments of anger…
Have you ever done it? Yelled at your kids?
Over the last 13 years I have heard many confessions about mums “losing it” and “yelling at their kids.”
It’s not something women are proud of and unless it’s a close confidant, it’s not often shared with friends. But I have sat listening to many woman pour out their guilt about yelling. And I too, have had moments when I catch myself and think “wow, that’s a bit over the top”.
I am a working mum with 3 children and have been a single mum for the last 10 years. Today I wanted to explore the mum-outburst, what contributes to it, what drives it and how you can mitigate it.
What contributes to a mummy melt down?
This list is not exhaustive but in a nut shell:
- time restraints
- sugar highs and lows
- patterned behaviour that we witnessed in our mum
- other children around and break in routine
- and defiance in our children
Can ALL lead to meltdowns.
The fatigue scenario is hard…. and really common especially after school picks up and between 5-7pm.
This is the crazy time of the day I call “HAPPY HOUR at the ZOO” as it is far from happy most of the time. It is laborious, stressful, tiring and a tad challenging.
The reality is going from work to home, to cook, do homework, get washes underway then clean up IS EXHAUSTING. We are but human and the hardest thing about being a working mum is the back end of the day.
MY TIPS: Try to prepare as many meals ahead of time, use slow cookers, have BBQs in parks. Try to have a break after work (maybe a quick walk on the beach) before embarking on happy hour at the zoo.
This scenario, the RUSHING against the clock scenario, is also common – the dash for school, forgotten items and time constraints. “Have you packed your lunch, done your homework, brushed your teeth and put on your shoes?” … “YES MUM” only to get to the car to discover none of it was done. Sigh… it’s usually an ominous way to start the day and I often wondered why schools don’t offer parent a nip of scotch when they arrived at school as most need it to calm their nerves.
MY TIPS: To help avoid morning breakdowns, make lunches at night, set a routine and use reward charts if they are followed, aim to get out the door earlier than needed to have some time up your sleeve. Ban TV in the morning if needed.
Blood sugar highs and lows can be diabolical. High blood sugars (from sugar foods, carbs or alcohol) can increase our aggression and drop our social refrain. Try to eat healthy all the time but particularly have proteins in the afternoon and if any alcohol is involved. High sugar levels can increase our testosterone levels which is also agitating. MY TIP: Try to stay on top of the sugar thing!
Defiant children – well there isn’t much I can say. MY TIP: if it works use consequential behaviour and rewards… Johnny you do this well you will be rewarded. Johnny be naughtie and you will miss out on this… Easier said than done and it definitely works better for some than others.
And then dear old hormones. They can be rocket fuel for yelling.
Many women think that it’s just before our period that hormones go out and that we only suffer a monthly variation. While this is true for oestrogen, it is not true for testosterone.
Testosterone is our survival and male hormone and can soar in minutes. It can creep up over a busy day at work or ignite if someone cuts us off in traffic. It is the rage that will lash out if not let out gradually.
MY TIPS: I suggest trying to switch hats from work to home, to have a short walk if you can, to do something relaxing before happy hour, to not let things bug you that aren’t important and breathe.
So while I am not saying yelling at your kids is cool, I am saying it is common.
I have these additional tips on youtube:
1. How do you feel if you have high testosterone
2. How you can lower high testosterone
3. Do the Female Hormone Disorder Questionnaire for FHD
And if you would like more information please contact me… I do this stuff for a living. I will check out your hormones, work out if one is out, come up with nutritional and other lifestyle ideas that you can integrate and hopefully you can lead a “yell -free” life which is much better for everyone.
Do you have any ideas you can share? Please let us know how you manage these hot spots in the day as sharing is caring 🙂 x